"21 Rules For Being A Good Republican"

1) You have to believe that the nation's 8-year unprecedented prosperity was
due to the work of Ronald Reagan and George Bush, but that today's gas prices
are all Clinton's fault.

2) You have to believe that those privileged from birth achieve success all
on their own.

3) You have to be against government programs, but expect your Social
Security checks on time.

4) You have to believe that government should stay out of people's lives, yet
you want government to regulate only opposite-gender marriages, what a woman
does with her uterus, and what your official language should be.

5) You have to believe that pollution is OK so long as it makes a profit.

6) You have to believe in prayer in schools, as long as you don't pray to
Allah or Buddha or the Goddess.

7) You have to believe that only your own teenagers are still virgins.

8) You have to believe that a woman cannot be trusted with decisions about
her own body, but that large multi-national corporations should have no
regulation or interference whatsoever.

9) You love Jesus and Jesus loves you and, by the way, Jesus shares your
hatred of AIDS victims, homosexuals, and Bill and Hillary Clinton.

10) You have to believe that society is color-blind and growing up black in
America doesn't diminish your opportunities, but you wouldn't vote for a
black candidate for president.

11) You have to believe that it was great to allow Ken Starr to spend $90
million dollars to attack Clinton because no other U.S. presidents have been
unfaithful to their wives.

12) You have to believe that a waiting period for purchasing a handgun is bad
because quick access to a new firearm is an important concern for all
Americans.

13) You have to believe it is wise to keep condoms out of schools, because we
all know if teenagers don't have condoms they won't have sex.

14) You have to believe that the ACLU is bad because they defend the
Constitution, while the NRA is good because they defend the Constitution.

15) You have to believe that socialism hasn't worked anywhere, and that
Europe doesn't exist.

16) You have to believe the AIDS virus is not important enough to deserve
federal funding proportionate to the resulting death rate and that the public
doesn't need to be educated about it, because if we ignore it, it will go away.

17) You have to believe that biology teachers are corrupting the morals of
6th graders if they teach them the basics of human sexuality, but the Bible,
which is full of sex and violence, is good reading.

18) You have to believe that Chinese communist missiles have killed more
Americans than handguns, alcohol, and tobacco.

19) You have to believe that even though governments have supported the arts
for 5000 years and that most of the great works of Renaissance art were paid
for by governments, our government should shun any such support. After all,
the rich can afford to buy their own and the poor don't need any.

20) You have to believe that the lumber from the last one percent of old
growth U.S. forests is well worth the destruction of those forests and the
extinction of the several species of plants and animals in them because it
allows logging companies to add to their profit margin.

21) You have to believe that we should forgive and pray for Newt Gingrich,
Henry Hyde, and Bob Livingston for their marital infidelities, but that
bastard Clinton should have been impeached.

When did you leave the GOP?

"The Ten Commandments - Republican-Style"

   I. Thou shalt talk about Christian principles, but not live by them.

  II. Thou shalt attack opponents personally when you can't win on policies.

III. Thou shalt call yourself pro-life, but be in favor of the death penalty.

  IV. Thou shalt call yourself pro-life, and put guns in the hands of school
      children.

   V. Thou shalt give lip service to democracy while taking away civil
      liberties.

  VI. Profit is the Lord Thy God, thou shalt not put the people's interest
      above those of your corporate contributors.

VII. Thou shalt make sure fetuses have health coverage, but leave children
      and babies behind.

VIII. Thou shalt bear false witness against your opponents and liberals, and
      demonize them.

  IX. Thou shalt run on a moderate platform, then enact right-wing policies as
      soon as possible.

   X. Thou shalt call the media liberal, so that people forget that the media
      is owned by corporations with a conservative fiscal agenda.

Teabagger is an offensive slur to depict someone doing a gay sex act, and is as offensive to me as I would say others could be if I called them [an offensive term that rhymes with tigger, who is a wonderful lovable friend. of course the most wonderful thing about tiggers is that he's the only one. he's, the only one].

I had to explain this in chat, and I'll do it once more here:

If you interpret them as jokes, then they don't go in Politics.

If you interpret them as accusations, then the next question becomes: How effective is this thread as a tool to discuss the accusations?

It's impossible to substantively discuss the accusations as a whole due to their diversity.  You're left with only one option: Discussing each one individually.  Once that happens, we have created, in effect, 40 separate, mutually exclusive topics which could all exist independently, combined within this one thread.  That creates an unorganized mess of a thread in which we have to sift through 400 pages of posts to find out which were talking about abortion and which were talking about gun rights.

Unless the thread can sustain a substantive discussion, it shouldn't be considered a thread in which the purpose is to discuss the merits of the accusations.

[closed]

violations:
3. Respect others and behave maturely
4. Posts should be constructive in nature
6. No flaming or trolling

Fool for f-mod

i am iluvatar, and i aprove this message!

i think there pretty funny, and seeing as this is general, it can pass

yay for republican jokes

btw about the obama joke thread? or are only your jokes funny?

I. Thou shalt talk about Christian principles, but not live by them.<<

Didn't know Obama was a Republican.  Obama used scripture more often his first year than BUSH. Obama covers up the name of God and doesn't have a church after 5 years in DC.

  >>II. Thou shalt attack opponents personally when you can't win on policies.<<

Didn't know Obama was a Republican.

>>III. Thou shalt call yourself pro-life, but be in favor of the death penalty.<<

Obama says infanticide is probably OK since he can't say infants are fully human, it's above his pay grade.  He voted against punishing infanticide in Illinois.

  >>IV. Thou shalt call yourself pro-life, and put guns in the hands of school
      children.<<

Deer are good eating.

  >> V. Thou shalt give lip service to democracy while taking away civil
      liberties.<<

That is rich, coming from a faction that believes the poor can be ordered to pay an insurance company, need it or not, on the grounds that it is most convenient for the government that they bear the cost.

>> VI. Profit is the Lord Thy God, thou shalt not put the people's interest
      above those of your corporate contributors.<<

I'd have thought getting teh unemployment rate back below 7% was in the people's interest.  Guess not.

>>VII. Thou shalt make sure fetuses have health coverage, but leave children
      and babies behind.<<

Thou would endanger everybody by insisting there's a cap on required treatment we have a right to, because our rights are nice but government convenience is nicer.

>>VIII. Thou shalt bear false witness against your opponents and liberals, and
      demonize them.<<

What's "false" about it? "You Lie!"

>>  IX. Thou shalt run on a moderate platform, then enact right-wing policies as
      soon as possible.<<

When were these right-wing policies enacted? Not in the last 3 years.

   >>X. Thou shalt call the media liberal, so that people forget that the media
      is owned by corporations with a conservative fiscal agenda.<<

Thou shalt ignore Obama being on the cover of Newsweek 30 times in 2 years.  Thou shalt ignore all network anchors joining Candidate Obama on his overseas campaign trip (thou shalt also ignore this when President Obama raves about "not letting foriegners influence our elections" when he demands we lose civil rights to advertise in elections)  Thou are in fact blind deaf and loud.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELfiVTTb5Jw

>>1) You have to believe that the nation's 8-year unprecedented prosperity was
due to the work of Ronald Reagan and George Bush, but that today's gas prices
are all Clinton's fault.<<

Everybody who hampers oil exploitation is to blame for that one.

Rape the earth, I want $1.50 / gallon gas.

>>2) You have to believe that those privileged from birth achieve success all
on their own.<<

Yeah like Rush Limbaugh and Oprah Winfrey and Jay Z and Bill Gates.  Gaddam plutocrats.

>>3) You have to be against government programs, but expect your Social
Security checks on time.<<

I expect to get shit back from the 8% that is robbed of my wages.

>>4) You have to believe that government should stay out of people's lives, yet
you want government to regulate only opposite-gender marriages, what a woman
does with her uterus, and what your official language should be.<<

Marriage is about ordering me to support somebody else's lifestyle; I draw the line at murder of babies; I'm glad to be in the lives of assholes who are in my traffic lane waving their flag.

>>5) You have to believe that pollution is OK so long as it makes a profit.<<

Is that polyester you're wearing, Mahatma?

>>6) You have to believe in prayer in schools, as long as you don't pray to
Allah or Buddha or the Goddess.<<

I'd just as soon have any prayer than the amoral saturnalia we have now.  I've said so when Republicans bitch about Muslim prayer in public schools in Michigan and Minnesota.

>>7) You have to believe that only your own teenagers are still virgins.<<

YOU have to believe that they are going to [ ] each other at 11 anyhow, so they might as well be thoroughly trained.

>>8) You have to believe that a woman cannot be trusted with decisions about
her own body, but that large multi-national corporations should have no
regulation or interference whatsoever.<<

Abortion doesn't involve her own body--and where are you about women choosing to take thalidomide?

>>9) You love Jesus and Jesus loves you and, by the way, Jesus shares your
hatred of AIDS victims, homosexuals, and Bill and Hillary Clinton.<<

I dunno that he hates them, but he will send fornicators of any stripe to Hell.  Also liars.
I gotta laugh at "Bush hates AIDS victims" shit you guys post.  George W Bush sent more aid to Africa to combat AIDS than all his predecessors combined.  He has saved millions of lives down there, but you're too deep in the echo chamber to actually care.  The entire human experience is in two parts, BLAH and PROOF BOOSH SUX and his AIDS policy is definitely BLAH

>>10) You have to believe that society is color-blind and growing up black in
America doesn't diminish your opportunities, but you wouldn't vote for a
black candidate for president.<<

I VOTED FOR ALAN KEYES

>>11) You have to believe that it was great to allow Ken Starr to spend $90
million dollars to attack Clinton because no other U.S. presidents have been
unfaithful to their wives.<<

He lied to win a lawsuit.  Good job Democrats, you demanded that a woman could sue a boss for taking his cock out and then denying her a promotion for not hopping to it--but if he's a good Democrat, that woman is a slut, "trailer park trash".

>>12) You have to believe that a waiting period for purchasing a handgun is bad
because quick access to a new firearm is an important concern for all
Americans.<<

You have to treat rape, robbery and murder victims as just statistics who deserve to die to prop up your fear of inanimate objects.

>>13) You have to believe it is wise to keep condoms out of schools, because we
all know if teenagers don't have condoms they won't have sex.<<

You have to forget that teens [ ] each other is fairly new, and coincides wtih the removal of prayer from schools.

>>14) You have to believe that the ACLU is bad because they defend the
Constitution, while the NRA is good because they defend the Constitution.<<

You have to believe the ACLU is good because they defend what the Constitution oughta be, and the NRA is bad for defending what dead white guys wanted in the 1700s.

>>15) You have to believe that socialism hasn't worked anywhere, and that
Europe doesn't exist.<<

You have to believe Europe is working, which is why they NEED America to stop competing and share the loot.  Because they work soooo well.

>>) You have to believe the AIDS virus is not important enough to deserve
federal funding proportionate to the resulting death rate and that the public
doesn't need to be educated about it, because if we ignore it, it will go away.<<

You have to believe the federal government has to save your dick from the asshole you put it into.

>>17) You have to believe that biology teachers are corrupting the morals of
6th graders if they teach them the basics of human sexuality, but the Bible,
which is full of sex and violence, is good reading.<<

You understand that 6th graders are going to get pregnant, so its important they learn how to bring the baby to term.  Don't tell them 9 mos - x months = 4 months because they won't learn that til 11th grade.

>>18) You have to believe that Chinese communist missiles have killed more
Americans than handguns, alcohol, and tobacco.<<

When you figure how you can tax chinese communist missle detonations, you'll allow them too.

>>19) You have to believe that even though governments have supported the arts
for 5000 years and that most of the great works of Renaissance art were paid
for by governments, our government should shun any such support. After all,
the rich can afford to buy their own and the poor don't need any.<<

You forgot the part about a Renaissance artist who painted a smiley face with his own shit, would be tortured to death in public by an irate Pope.
I could stand the NEA if we did that.

>>20) You have to believe that the lumber from the last one percent of old
growth U.S. forests is well worth the destruction of those forests and the
extinction of the several species of plants and animals in them because it
allows logging companies to add to their profit margin.<<

You confuse 25-year timber that is the bulk of the American market with Amazonian rain forest that takes 80 years to mature.  YOu couldn't tell old growth from stuff seeded in 1980 if it fell on you.

>>21) You have to believe that we should forgive and pray for Newt Gingrich,
Henry Hyde, and Bob Livingston for their marital infidelities, but that
bastard Clinton should have been impeached.<<

Thank you for demonstrating that its not enough to prove a President committed a felony and got his cronies to help him-- we gotta prove he's a son of a bitch too.  I don't know whether democrats or republicans would benefit more from that, and I don't care because AMERICA isn't served by a pack of crooks.

>>...You didn't get mad when the Supreme Court stopped a legal recount and
appointed a President.<<

They stopped a targeted recount of hand-picked districts which were known to have disproportionately high rates of support for one candidate over the other. You incorrectly describe a "legal" recount which the Supreme Court found to be illegal. Get your facts straight.

>>...You didn't get mad when you found out we were torturing people.<<

You call informing someone that they will not be seriously nor permanently harmed then subjecting them to considerable discomfort to be "torture," though you do not highlight how this differs from the "torture" of other peoples, which entails dismemberment and mutilation, generally followed by beheading. Is that not a noteworthy difference in definition?

Aren't you embarrassed to parade your ignorance in front of everyone? Virtually every point in your post is as ignorant. Do you think it discredits Republicans that someone who disagrees with them is so clueless and untrustworthy? Thanks for the laugh.