After years of successfully stradling fences, and not landing on either side, Zarf fell and hit his groin in a bad way last week.

The damage was so severe most doctors winced for hours after seeing it.

Zarf, who used his stradling skills to great effect, flew to India to get his care done.

Zarf reportably will be getting an upgrade.

"Zarf always had big ones, with the way he stradled fences, but now he will have copper plating added" his doctor is quoted as saying.

Zarf plans to commit minor misdemeanors for the rest of his life, as quote "inmates get viagra for free, and what is a crime but a form of free speech!"

Speculation runs rampant if he has splinters, and no one has received an answer on this, though many men have crossed their legs and winced when asked if they think he does.