lol funny joke.

heres one from me, short but effective.

whats the difference between acne and a catholic preist ??

......................................
......................................
......................................
......................................
......................................
......................................

Acne usually comes on a boys face AFTER he turns 12.

why dont u post some new ones then ?

lmfao i thought both were hilarious.

An 85yr old man goes to his doctor for his regular check-up.
He is in great spirits and decides to explain to his doctor why.
"things are going great doc! i have a new wife! shes 20yr old and she carrying my child!"
the doctor looked amazed, then said
"Let me tell you a story...

An elderly man who had been a hunter all his life went out for a walk one morning but he accidently grabbed his walking cane instead of his rifle. He got down to the lake and saw a huge beaver! perfect! so he raised his gun... only to realise it was his cane, so disappointedly he raised his cane, took aim and said "BANG BANG" and low and behold 2 shots rang out and the beaver dropped dead."

the doctor then turned to the man and asked him
"what happened?"

The elderly man though about it for awhile unitl he said.
"well logically someone must have pumped 2 shots into the beaver"

the doctor replied saying
"my point exactly"

Fat chicks need loving too....    just gonna cost em

in australia, beaver is slang for *womans crutch* ;P lol

Fat chicks need loving too....    just gonna cost em

Who is the best woman in the world.
.
.
.
..
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

mrs pacman for 25 cents she will swallow till she dies.

ROFLMAO!

lol Gladiator .

Here is a oldie but goodie:

Men and Women

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ
so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing.
I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with
their heart.

For example, one evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting
into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says
"I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."
I said "WHAT????!!! What was that?!"
She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me
for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"
What every boyfriend/husband on the planet dreads to hear..."You're
just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to
satisfy your physical needs as a man."

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time
with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a
big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she
tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide
which one to take so I told her we'll just buy them all. She wanted
new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for
each outfit. We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out
a pair of diamond earrings.

Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one
wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me
because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how
to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's
fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of
the excitement.
Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is
all dear, Let's go to the cashier".

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't
feel like it."
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled
"WHAT???!!!"

I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a
while.. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man
enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."
And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added,
"Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy
you?"

Apparently I'm not getting any tonight either.

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment.

Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."

The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how he had done it.

"I knew it had to be the Microsoft Building, because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer.

Where do you find a dog with no legs?

Where you left it.

At a southern university, students in the psychology program were attending their first class on emotional extremes.

"Just to establish some parameters," said the professor to the student from Arkansas, "what is the opposite of joy?"

"Sadness," said the student.

"And the opposite of depression?" he asked of the young lady from Oklahoma.

"Elation," she said.

"And you sir," he said to the young man from Texas, "what about the opposite of woe?"

The Texan replied, "Sir, I believe that would be 'giddy up' ."