Die

The limit being just beyond murder, I hope?

Loz, if you don't find that funny..

http://www.andreas-fecker.de/exhibits/housewif.jpg

If you have a sense of humour, yes.

I don't find that funny at all!

""Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready on time for his return.  This is a  way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs.  Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal (especially his favourite dish) is part of the warm welcome needed.

Prepare yourself.  Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your makeup, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking.  He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.

Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him.  His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it. 

Clear away the clutter.  Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives.

Gather up schoolbooks, toys, paper and then run a dustcloth over the tables.

Over the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by.  The husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too.  After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.

Prepare the children.  Take a few minutes to wash the children's hands and faces (if they are small) comb their hair, and if necessary change their clothes.  They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part.  Minimize all noise.  At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum.  Try to encourage the children to be quiet.

Be happy to see him

Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.

Listen to him.  You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time.  Let him talk first remember his topics of conversation are more important than yours.

Make the evening his.  Never complain if he comes home later or goes out to dinner, or other places of entertainment without you.  Instead, try to understand the world of strain and pressure and his very real need to be at home and relax.

Your goal:  Try to make sure your home is a place of peace, order and tranquility where your husband can revive himself in body and spirit. 

Don't greet hm with complaints and problems.

Don't complain if he's late home for dinner or even if he stays out all night.  Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through that day.

Make him comfortable.  Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom.  Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.

Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes.  Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.

Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgement or integrity.  Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness.  You have no right to question him."

Switch the gender around--that's what a man in the 2000's has to do for a different date each week!  At least Mrs. Whitebread got 50% of the house and a sure shackup that night!! X(

Actually this is a famous fake from the 1990s.  (you could tell because no housewife mag of the 1950s would tell Mom not to get mad about Dad being out all night--that doesn't sell irons!  Instead they always explained that he did that because he was confused about how wonderful a wife he had at home and there were a few simple things she could do to make him lose the desire to stay away, involving processed foods from the sponsor.)

"that was supposed to be funny?"

In fact, I do think it's a good laugh..

And my favourite is this one Loz:
"Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first

I still think the best invention ever would be a mute button on women.

/me slaps loz in the face

woman. know your place.

so...is ANYBODY on this thread getting laid?

Ouch, below the belt!

/lamps decimus

Ha. Only the weak hit women.

Any gentleman will put a woman's needs before his own.