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Re: whats your zombie plan?

w00f! tongue

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Re: whats your zombie plan?

....i think we are prejudicial towards zombies as they may have their uses doing some work, etc so (like the vehicle list) i have made a list of positives and negatives and with the vehicle information and this one i am starting to formulate a "fool-proof" plan of escaping and (more importantly) surviving and thriving in a zombie-infested world....

cleaners/janitors
positives:  ideal vocation for a zombie as they are probably more maggot infested than the stuff being cleaned up, could work on 24hr shifts and we could utilise the feeding thing by sorting out all the "disliked" people (such as traffic wardens, politicians, window cleaners, etc) and they will clean up after themselves too!
negatives: constant "rotting flesh" smell all the time, wouldn't want the chain too long
teachers
positives: low pay, long hours, no zombie union (that i know of anyone), not a great idea but would be handy in biology lessons
negatives: not big on lecture-giving, poor personal hygeine, big risk factor of getting loose and eating the children
army
positive: cannonfodder anyone? ideal to waste the enemies ammo leaving you to go in and kill what isn't dead already or hasn't run away in utter fear that there is a zombie army after them
negatives: what uniform would they wear that could make them any scarier?, bad smell in bunkers, would have to be a lone unit (you would not want to send your living soldiers with them)
navy
positives: errrrrm....wouldn't get seasick?
negatives: where do i start?....can't swim, or sail, or operate high-tech machinery/weapons, slow reactions to attack, slow reactions to anything though really
pornstar
positives: if you are a necrophiliac lots, or if you "de-tooth" it first could be fun
negatives: not a popular genre of pornography, gives a whole new meaning to the term "eating her/him"

more probable jobs

traffic bollard
fence post
an extra (for zombie films or soaps - look at matt damon)
steward ("no way am i going to invade that pitch man!")
security ("go on i dare you to steal of us!")
american football/rugby player (would you tackle one of them if they had the ball?)
ballet (wouldn't be good but funny....very funny "swan lake" with a cannibal twist....i would pay to see that!)
live targets (would keep n.r.a. happy!)
fashion mannequin (would make any clothes look good if the "model" looks like living excrement)
anti-burglar system (tied up at available entrys/exit points would prove very successful at scaring the poo out of anyone....but would be like those annoying lights that come on every time you walk within a two mile radius of them!)
fairground attendants (almost invaluable at a fair/fete but you would have to thoroughly check all hotdogs/etc before eating them!)

....Marijuana: proud sponsors of the snack food industry since it began

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Re: whats your zombie plan?

....another "facet" towards survival in a zombie-infested world would be food and water....below (as usual due to the interesting subject matter and a mix of too much caffeine and weed) i have taken the liberty of collating a few "ideas" for your perusal regarding the growing of foodstuffs and the collection of water....

foodstuffs:

agricultural farming -
positives: veggies, fruit, salads, bigger areas will produce larger quantities of foodstuffs enabling the infrastructure to support several people rather than just you
negatives: where would you find safe place to plant?, what kind of scarecrow would you use if the crows were zombie-crows? & a lot of work for just one person and if you had several people working on farm you would be a major "restaurant" for the infected
artificial farming -
positives: smaller spaces required, less chance of zombie-weavils; etc from eating plants/you
negatives: how long could you last on cress?
cattle farming -
positives: meat
negatives: how would you kill a zombie-cow?, chance of infection from eating the meat, mcdonalds would enevitably bring out the "Mczombie Mcburger Mcmeal Mcdeal" followed by burgerkings "zingerzombietowerofmeatmealdeal"
five finger discount shopping sprees -
positives: any food stuffs taken would be packaged and canned thus lasting a lot longer enabling to horde supplies meaning less journeys outside to get them, no queues at the checkouts, all food stuffs available (and a lot of stores now do a nice range of garden furniture too!), access to the pharmacy.....mmmmmm pretty little pills stop you getting bored
negatives: theft, nobody to pack your bags or get the coin out of your trolley if it gets stuck, wait at the deli could be a while
cannibalism -
positives: .....errr.....if anyone can come up with a positive for this one you are s stronger man/woman than me....you get to keep the clothes/jewellery afterwards, a decent-sized (obese) person could last for ages if you have a big enough freezer
negatives: everything (apart from the clothes/jewellery thing)

water -

this one would be the tricky part....as most people would be dead then the systems to clean water through de-salinisation plants would be defunct so sea water would be out....you have resevoirs but due to their size most are well outside towns/cities so you would have to drive there and if you did not have access to a tanker then trips would have to be frequent....bottled water would be an option but eventually that will all go so that is a short term solution....rainwater collection would be good but not so ideal if you live in/near a desert....

....so far if the fuel issue go too much we would face a life similar to "mad max" (minus tina turner)
and if the water situation go too bad it would be like "waterworld" (minus crap acting)
and if the food situation became unbearable it could end up like "cannibal holocaust" (minus the nice beach scenes)
....so if the zombies don't get you, you are screwed anyway....damn

....Marijuana: proud sponsors of the snack food industry since it began

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Re: whats your zombie plan?

Nice summaries there

Not many people know this, but I own the first radio in Springfield. Not much on the air then, just Edison reciting the alphabet over and over. "A" he'd say; then "B." "C" would usually follow...

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55 Reply by Cannabytes (edited by Cannabytes 16-Feb-2009 16:45:00)

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Re: whats your zombie plan?

....another thought (and i actually panicked when i thought of this one!)....if everyone but you had been "turned" (as far as you could tell anyway) including all the women....then who would get rid of the masses of dishes used each day?....as eventually the supply of clean ones would run out....damn....lose-lose situation....

....so if this is the last post i write (whilst preparing myself for the apocolypse) then i want everyone to know....you are not alone....just look out for me....i will be the survivor sitting on top of a mountain of dirty dishes crying out for help whilst beginning to convert my bike/car/bus/truck/boat/whatever i can get my hands on into a form of valid transportation whilst stocking up with water and food from the local shops and looking for cress seeds and a pacified zombie to help me to my vehicle with the bags (don't want to get a strain now do i?)....and muttering utter rubbish under my breath such as "they all smiled when they read my post....i tried to prepare them" and laughing uncontrollably at the thought of how screwed i really was....

....Marijuana: proud sponsors of the snack food industry since it began

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  • Skoe
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Re: whats your zombie plan?

A Zombie plan should be brief, precise, and well-rehearsed.

Morbo: Morbo can't understand his teleprompter. He forgot how you say that letter that looks like a man with a hat.
Linda: It's a 't'. It goes "tuh".
Morbo: Hello, little man. I will destroy you!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cpP7b2lUxVE

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57 Reply by V. Kemp (edited by Elrohir 21-Feb-2009 23:45:49)

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Re: whats your zombie plan?

You are [tasty!]. I will eat your brains.

[I wish I could obey forum rules]

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Re: whats your zombie plan?

I say we fall back to the ship and nuke them from orbit.

It's the only way to be sure.

The core joke of Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is that of course no civilization would develop personal computers with instant remote database recovery, and then waste this technology to find good drinks.
Steve Jobs has ruined this joke.

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Re: whats your zombie plan?

....i just saw a ru-run from x-factor and i think they are here already!....damn too late

....Marijuana: proud sponsors of the snack food industry since it began

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Re: whats your zombie plan?

~invest in a hummer and make sure not to get stuck in a heap of zombies~

My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness

                          -2 Corinthians 12:9

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Re: whats your zombie plan?

....but surely when it runs out of petrol (which will be in about 10 minutes after departing showroom) you would be stuck in a heap of zombies?

....Marijuana: proud sponsors of the snack food industry since it began

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Re: whats your zombie plan?

Remington 870, a good axe, and British grit. Sorted.

"The true office of a friend is to side with you when you are wrong; the world will side with you when you are right."
"It is not just a friend's help that helps us, but the knowledge that they will unconditionally do so."

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