i dont get it

Jack was dying. His wife Becky was by his side.

"Becky" he said in a tired voice "There's something I must confess"

"Shhh. There's nothing to confess, everything's all right."

"No, I must die in peace. I shagged your sister, your best friend, her friend and your mother."

"I know" She whispered "Thats why I poisoned you. You f****** b******"

I'm not bald either, and i don't get the joke x(.

But here goes:

In an ancient monastery, a new monk arrived to dedicate his life to God
and to join the others copying ancient records. The first thing he
noticed was that they were copying by hand books that had already been
copied by hand.

He had to speak up. "Forgive me, Father Justinian, but copying other
copies by hand allows many chances for error. How do we know we aren't
copying someone else's mistakes? Are they ever checked against the
originals?"

Father Justinian was startled. No one had ever suggested that before.
"Well, that is a good point, my son. I will take one of these latest
books down to the vault and study it against its original document."

He went deep into the vault where no one else was allowed to enter and
started to study. The day passed, and it was getting late in the evening.

The monks were getting worried about Father Justinian. Finally one monk
started making his way through the old vault, and as he began to think he
might get lost, he heard sobbing. "Father Justinian," he called.

The sobbing grew louder as he came closer. He finally found the old
priest sitting at a table with the new copy and the original ancient
book in front of him. It was obvious that Father Justinian had been
crying for a long time.

"Oh, my Lord," sobbed Father Justinian, "the word is 'celebrate'!"

"What's fat, green, bald and slimy?"

^ ^ ^ ^ ^ someone with a dick thats about to be chopped of cos of STD 

what's red, gets shorter as we speak and sits in the corner?

a baby combing its hair with a cheese slicer.

as for a really bad joke: http://tinyurl.com/yqzgxz

Hmmmm WFS and Skoe both say they are not bald, so I assume they are fat, green and slimy

Pat ran into Mike and said "what's new?"

Mike said "My wife ran off with my best friend"

"But I'm your best friend!"

"Not anymore"

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists — two men and one woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.

"We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. You have to kill her." The first man said."You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife,"

The agent replies, "Then you're not the right man for this job."

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the agent came out with tears in his eyes. "I tried, but I can't kill my wife." The agent replies, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."

Finally, it was the woman's turn. Only she was told to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, "You guys didn't tell me the gun was loaded with blanks. So I had to beat him to death with the chair."

Lol

I'm tempted to tell "the Aristocrats"

Q: What's the worst part about eating a vegetable?
A: Putting her back in her wheelchair.

> Gladiator wrote:

> ewwww that's nasty X(

my fiancee just said that