Topic: Emperor Unubtainius Drink leaves Ring Marks on Cheap Table
The following is a completely true story, not made up and currently progressing in devastation as we speak. This is between a vice leader of 1114 and some underling (me) 1107
Today around 24 hours agos, Sir Drinks A lot attempted to invade a half built decrepit back water planet debatably "managed" by Emperor Unubtainius 'The Self Proclaimed'.
In the fight some 318 fighters 13 soldiers 27 laser turrets were blown to a billion bits.
But all these fail in comparison to destruction of a cheap Ikea table which had a high sentimental value to the Emperor. It now has a ring stain in it.
This occurred when the ships of Sir Drinks Alot entered the atmosphere above the planet, the loud boom caused the Unubtainius to raise his head and forget about the coasters while putting down his tea.
Such an insult can not go unpunished.
The following 'death threat' was issued.
"I want him dead you hear me, DEAD.
I want him dead, his mother, father, brother's sister's pet dog's auntie's fleas dead. I want his houses burnt into the ground, then the ground atomised, then the dust swept up, and tossed into the sun. No offence to him, relatives, or anyone else close"
Some may say, it was a victimless crime, star charts may conclude that Unubtainius had taken something outside 1107's domain.
Regardless of the legality in favour of the opposition this reporter must state.
An insane man has been pushed, and now everything, anything and anyone will be fired from the ballistic missile launchers which encompass so many Hydrophonic farms on the Unubtainian worlds.
Thank you, and have a good day.
