Topic: Random Story for Nolio

The flag danced in the mild breeze, its swells and crests an impression of the verdant hills that surrounded our camp. Its two black horizontal stripes framed a central white one. It was a constant reminder of our conquerors, not that we needed one. The seamless wooden walls and the sentries rooted in equal intervals along its perimeter were enough.

A great horned owl hooted a farewell to the departing night. I rolled off my mat, and massaged my lower back in attempt to alleviate my numerous aches. Sliding into my leather boots, I moved silently so as to not to wake the others. Two buckets lay nearby, attached to an oak pole as thick as my wrist. I slung it behind my shoulders and headed to the slithering stream that bisected the camp. The dull monotony of my task and the hypnotic rushing of the waters encouraged reflection.

It must have been over forty seasons ago. I had been out washing my car, taking care to ensure that every harsh line gleamed in the Florida sun. The hiss of static had suddenly blared from the radio and a wavering screaming voice appeared and warned of invaders from above. I laughed at first, thinking it a grand joke. It had been done before, after all.

The laughter died as they landed. I watched in awe. According to everything I had learned in school, what I was seeing was impossible. But there they were, sharply dressed, and carrying weapons designed for their appendages. I stood my ground, watching them amongst the piercing screams and the sounds of fleeing footsteps. They quickly overcame what little defense we managed to muster.

Gathering all the citizens together, they locked us into schools and community centres. There was an irony to that. Our emergency shelters were being used to cage us, but I was in no mood for humour. After a few weeks, the smells of rotting flesh and human waste, and the cries of the sick and starving enveloped me. Amongst all that decay, the lone bright spot was finding my brother, stunned but in good health. We stuck close together after that, sleeping in shifts with makeshift clubs close at hand to ward off attacks by those desperately seeking food, any food.

One day, without warning, they opened the doors. They told us we would be moving away from the coast.

To serve is to survive

Re: Random Story for Nolio

Hah, such wisdom.

Love it big_smile

I'll never know if it was worth the pain, but I still loved it more than anything in the world - it was my life.

Re: Random Story for Nolio

A great story, with an unpredictable twist, properly spelled AND punctuated, on the internet.
I'm so happy.

"So, it's defeat for you, is it? Someday I must meet a similar fate..."

Re: Random Story for Nolio

Aww...thanks guys smile

I actually only put it up so Nolio could check it for me, and then the server crashed as I was going to delete my post...and by the time it had come back up, it had slipped my mind.

It was just the rough draft that was due today for one of my classes.

To serve is to survive

Re: Random Story for Nolio

Theo's story telling pwns you.

m33p m33p I pwn Theodles smile

Re: Random Story for Nolio

we want more

aka the lemming of enigmatic encounters
*** Eltie for Mod!! ***

Re: Random Story for Nolio

Amazing, simply Amazing... and I agree, I want more!!!

tongue

George Smith Patton
"No bastard ever won a war by dying for his country. He won it by making the other poor dumb bastard die for his country."

Re: Random Story for Nolio

So many things you said that imply you know what you're talking about, yet you have no clue what storytelling is about.
Good job, Bara!

I'll never know if it was worth the pain, but I still loved it more than anything in the world - it was my life.

9 (edited by Theodora 12-Mar-2008 16:10:23)

Re: Random Story for Nolio

@Baratheon

Aliens...what made you think they were aliens? I guess I was slightly more original than you thought. smile

Descriptions of the "antagonists" are purposefully omitted. It would detract from the story if people had a clearer idea of who they were.

And I used block paragraphs smile They're more often seen in  technical documents, but what can I say...I hate indents that much.

To serve is to survive

Re: Random Story for Nolio

@Baratheon

Okay man, we understand you have a stick up your ass and enjoy ripping other people down, but make your own thread for that, we're here to encourage others so that they can improve and most of all to have a good time.

I'm pretty sure you are the amateur on story telling since a total of 1 people (you) have gone against this story while 6 people have praised it.

And to Theo: Keep it coming most of us *cough* love it.

George Smith Patton
"No bastard ever won a war by dying for his country. He won it by making the other poor dumb bastard die for his country."

Re: Random Story for Nolio

@Bara: wow, you're an ass. smile all you needed to do was POLITELY tell her the things that could have been corrected, and of course not presumed so MANY things were wrong with it (for instance the 'aliens').

take note she said it was a rough draft. she even posted that prior to your exhaustive level of asininity. lol, but it was a nice try. no wait. no it just wasn't.

@Theo: way to take it like a champ. smile he does make a few good points on the use of first-person. just needs a rephrase.

@SkyWarp: no. nowhere in the forum rules does it insinuate that the members of this  forum must be nice when they critique your work. in fact most aren't. and they dont have to be so long as they aren't directly insulting you. to suggest that anyone here works hard at making the normal players of the game feel welcome is to laugh. rather, if you are a member who posts regularly, and is accepted by the community (which isn't to say that everyone is, in fact it insinuates that most aren't,) then you will most likely receive an appropriate congratulations on your work.

presuming you aren't an accepted member for whatever reason, then you just don't post. and a lot of people don't post because their ideas were shot down right off the bat. :-P

of course we would have proof of this presuming the old forum was still up and running. :-P lol

Our lives have just begun; but already we are considering escape from this world. Weve waited for so long for this moment to come; were so anxious to be together in Death. So wont you die tonight for love? Baby, Join Me In Death

7. Lemming of Secretive and Surprising Sex

Re: Random Story for Nolio

Wow, Barath.  Way to be constructive.  I normally don't read a lot of stories on these forums anymore, but I do read the responses and yours, Barath, was quite out of place.  This isn't General, Politics, Universal News, Ideas, Bugs, Community (in short, every other forum on IC), this is Roleplay and in Roleplay, we do things differently.  For one, we're a constructive community.  Second, we don't shoot down other people's works (unless they were plagiarizing).  We take the time to read, to comment, and to voice our opinions.  Unlike all the other forums here, we actually practice the "Golden Rule."

Re: Random Story for Nolio

@Dendai

I believe YOU are the mistaken one here, for Sir SupAll has 'politely' said the same thing I did. Hes been here a hell ova lot longer then I have, and because of that I trust him and he is usually a nice guy. But I don't really want to argue with YOU over how wrong BARA is...

George Smith Patton
"No bastard ever won a war by dying for his country. He won it by making the other poor dumb bastard die for his country."

Re: Random Story for Nolio

lol. oh no. i understand what you were saying, and certainly not arguing with you over him being a retard. we are agreed there.

merely making an observation that more than myself have made prior.

Our lives have just begun; but already we are considering escape from this world. Weve waited for so long for this moment to come; were so anxious to be together in Death. So wont you die tonight for love? Baby, Join Me In Death

7. Lemming of Secretive and Surprising Sex

15 (edited by Theodora 14-Mar-2008 08:19:34)

Re: Random Story for Nolio

@Dendai

Yeah, I'll have to check over the verb tenses if I revise this one (we write two rough drafts, receive feedback, then revise one and hand it in for marks). Verb tenses are easy things to mess up, especially for native speakers like myself who didn't learn grammar via the English equivalent of Wheelock's Latin.


@Bara

I doubt you'll check this thread, but if you do, I just can't resist. The invaders are penguins, not aliens. All the clues are in the story. But this is being analyzed by my creative writing class, and they tend to overanalyze everything, so I thought I'd have some fun with them. smile

To serve is to survive