You're a rich girl, and you've gone too far
Cause you know it don't matter anyway
You can rely on the old man's money
You can rely on the old man's money
It's a bitch girl, but it's gone too far
Cause you know it don't matter anyway
Say money, money won't get you too far, get you too far

And don't you know, don't you know
That it's wrong to take what he's giving you
So far gone on your own
But you can get along if you try to be strong
But you'll never be strong cause

You're a rich girl (rich girl), and you've gone too far
Cause you know it don't matter anyway (rich girl)
You can rely on the old man's money
You can rely on the old man's money
It's a bitch girl (rich girl) and it's gone too far
Cause you know it don't matter anyway (rich girl)
Say money, money won't get you too far, get you too far

High and dry, out of the rain
It's so easy to hurt others when you can't feel pain
And don't you know that a love can't grow
Cause there's too much to give
Cause you'd rather live for the thrill of it all, oh

You're a rich girl (rich girl), and you've gone too far
Cause you know it don't matter anyway (rich girl)
You can rely on the old man's money
You can rely on the old man's money
It's a bitch girl (rich girl), and it's gone too far
Cause you know it don't matter anyway (rich girl)
Say money, but it won't get you too far
Say money, but it won't get you too far
Say money, but it won't get you too far, get you too far

And you say you can rely on the old man's money
You can rely on the old man's money
You're a rich girl (rich girl), a rich girl
Oh, you're a rich, bitch girl (rich girl) yeah
Say money, but it won't get you too far
Oh, give it to me baby....

Hey girl
I got somethin' real important to give you
So just sit down and listen

Girl you know we've been together such a long long time
(Such a long time)

And now I'm ready to lay it on the line

Wow, you know it's Christmas and my heart is open wide

(Open wide)

Gonna give you something so you know what's on my mind

(What's on my mind)

A gift real special, so take off the top

Take a look inside it's my dick in a box

It's in a box

Not gonna get you a diamond ring

That sort of gift don't mean anything

Not gonna get you a fancy car

Girl, ya gotta know you're my shinin' star

Not gonna get you a house in the hills

A girl like you needs somethin' real

Wanna get you somethin' from the heart

Somethin' special girl

It's my dick in a box

My dick in a box babe

It's my dick in a box

Ooh, my dick in a box girl

See I'm wise enough to know

When a gift needs givin', and I got just the one

Somethin' to show ya that you are second to none

To all the fellas out there with ladies to impress

It's easy to do just follow these steps

1, cut a hole in a box

2, put your junk in that box

3, make her open the box

And that's the way you do it

It's my dick in a box

My dick in a box babe

It's my dick in a box

Ooh, my dick in a box girl

Christmas, dick in a box

Hanukkah, dick in a box

Kwanzaa, a dick in a box

Every single holiday a dick in a box

Over at your parents' house, a dick in a box

Mid-day at the grocery store, a dick in a box

Backstage at the CMA's, a dick in a box

My dick in a box

My dick in a box

My dick in a box

she's gone I am a wreck
tears on my pillow won't get her back

nanananana nana nanananana nana

My last girlfriend didn't like me thought she might be
Most likely a dyke she just didn't excite me
Lefty? Yeah but that was alright
She was hotter than the sun but she just wasn't that bright
My mistake she was more flaky than a leper colony
I think a wooden clothespin would have been much better company
Ass like a donkey acting funky gave her "L" now she's a flunky
So my love for her died quicker than a batch of Sea Monkeys
Early bird gets the worm spread your legs or spread the word
So what if I'm not the smartest peanut in the turd
I'm white which goes with everything but I can come in any color
And I'm looking for the kind of girl that reminds me of my mother
But it's hard to find a girl with a viper tattooed on her tushy
And how many girls do you know that can play the harmonica with their pussies?
Like em' easy and hot and sweet like a Rice Krispie Treat, gee
You know what I really want in a girl? Me

I need to find a new vagina
Any kind of new vagina
It's hard to rhyme a word like vagina
Calvin Klein? kindaNorth Carolina?

Women are like dog, doo, hear me through don't interrupt
It's just the older that they are the easier they get to pick-up
I'd fill the generation gap clean the cobwebs from her rafters
Old hens would rather put out than be put out to the pasture
No age just ain't a gauge I like my girls like my cheese
Preferably for me fat-free American singles only
I want my next chick anorexic, the winner is the thinner
Won't have to take her skinny ass out to a fancy dinner
Like Sizzler she got a beef we'll chew the fat
If I forget to put the seat up I can put up with her crap
Let her lash out and crack the whip but not in bed I don't play rough
No I can't be tied down with a girl that wants me tied up
Just independent like NOFX ,smart like Janeane Garafolo
She'd use big words to make fun of me so that I would never know
Bestow upon me all her wisdom of the Dewey Decimal System, gee
You know what I really want in a girl? Me

I need to find a new vagina
Any kind of new vagina
It's hard to rhyme a word like vagina
Kevin Klein?kinda South Carolina?

Vagina vagina vagina vagina
Vagina vagina vagina vagina

"I Love My Computer"

I love my computer
you make me feel alright
every waking hour
and every lonely night
I love my computer
for all you give to me
predictable errors and no identity
and it's never been quite so easy
I've never been quite so happy
all I need to do is click on you
and we'll be joined
in the most soul-less way
and we'll never
ever ruin each other's day
cuz when I'm through I just click
and you just go away
I love my computer
you're always in the mood
I get turned on
when I turn on you
I love my computer
you never ask for more
you can be a princess
or you can be my whore
and it's never been quite so easy
I've never been quite so happy
the world outside is so big
but it's safe in my domain
because to you
I'm just a number
and a clever screen name
all I need to do is click on you
and we'll be together for eternity
and no one is ever gonna take my love
from me because I've got security,
her password and a key