C, C#, C++, Java, JSP, Ruby, SQL (MySQL, Oracle & MS Access ), VB .NET
PHP, x/HTML, JavaScript, CSS, Shell scripting (csh/tcsh and bash), Tribes script, VBA
(I'm sure i've forgotten something).

Small bits of Assembly (Using NASM mostly), Pascal, Delphi, ASP (C#, although actually now that i recall it was a while ago :S).

And lol @ Decmius' picture.

an educational story for you lot:

Making a cube a'la Information Technology

Friday 14:00, a customer calls from Company AB to a project leader of IT Company.

Customer: Can you make us a cube that has three corners? It should be ready yesterday or preferably last week.
Project leader: Of course, our programmers will get right on it. It will only take them two hours.
Customer: So it won't cost anything then?
Project leader: Yes yes, we'll stick to the budget and our programmers will even make your cubes into balls if you'd like.
Customer: OK. I'm ordering that cube with three rounded corners then.
Project leader: Thank you, i'll inform the programming team, bye!
Customer: Bye!

Friday 14:05, project leader calls the programmer.

Project leader: Hey, Company AB ordered a cube with three corners, could you do it immediately?
Programmer: Umm.. A cube has always 6 square-shaped sides, so it's bound to have 8 corners. Three corners is a technicaly impossibility.
Project leader: Can't you just make it work somehow, I already promised we'd make this. And with rounded corners.
Programmer: No way, it just is a technical impossibility. Suggest to him that we make one with 8 corners, but the edges are polished.
Project leader: Ok, I'll call the customer and tell him. Oh by the way, what's your amount of work estimation? Two hours or so?
Programmer: Listen. The polishing of edges takes a long time, as does measuring the sudes. It'll take at least a week, and I don't have time to start until next week.
Project leader: Yes yes, I'll tell the customer.

Friday 14:15, project leader calls the customer.

Project leader: Hey listen, our technical team said that a cube can't have three corners, it's necessary to have 8.
Customer: Oh?
Project leader: Yeah, but we can make the edges polished. It suits your brand image much better than the cube with three corners.
Customer: Ok, we'll take that one then. When will it be ready?
Project leader: Our technical team is very busy, so it won't be that soon.
Customer: I don't think you'd like us to order this from your competitor. The product should be ready today, else our stock falls.
Project leader: Oh, ok. Would it do if it was ready on monday 9:00?
Customer: That's fine. And this doesn't cost anything?
Project leader: We're staying on the budget!

Friday 14:30 project leader calls the programmer again

Project leader: Hey, the cube should be ready on monday at 9.
Programmer: Wtf?!
Project leader: Yeah, I promised the customer.
Programmer: ?!!
Project leader: Well? Why aren't you programming already?
Programmer: I'll start as soon as I get my hands free from holding the phone, ffs.

Saturday 21:25, the project leader call the programmer from a night club

Project leader: Hey, how's the cube doing?
Programmer: I'm managing.
Project leader: It'll be ready for monday, right?
Programmer: Yeah yeah, can i continue my work now?
Project leader: Ok, talk to you on monday again.

Sunday 08:00, the customer call the project leader on his cell phone.

Customer: Hey, I was playing golf yesterday and it occurred to me that we'd actually need a pyramid instead of the cube.
Project leader: Oh, so like the cube we talked about, but shaped like a pyramid?
Customer: Exactly. I hope this won't delay the schedule or add costs?
Project leader: Oh no, our programmers will do anything. And the we're staying on the budget.

Sunday 08:10, project leader leaves a message for the sleeping programmer who has been up since friday

Project leader: Customer called, they want a pyramid instead. Specifications are the same as with the cube, but the shape is pyramid. It won't be a big job for you, so we'll look at the pyramid with the customer on monday when he meets us.

Sunday 10.30 ->

Once the programmer wakes up, he does nearly everything from the beginning and stays up working the sunday night. He has to take apart five squares, because only one square will work as the pyramid's bottom. Luckily he manages to shape the five extra squares into triangles with a suitable script which he first codes.

Monday 9:00, meeting room of IT Company

There's a fine-looking pyramid with polished edges and rounded corners. Project leader and the customer start to examine the product which the programmer is introducing. They see a working yet hastily created pyramid with nice extra patterning the programmer figured the customer would need. There's even a blinking light on top of the pyramid.

Customer: Yees, this patterning is a great thing, it's exactly what we wanted. And the blinking light is a nice extra. But doesn't this pyramid know how to walk the stairs upwards on its own?
Programmer: Umm.. That wasn't mentioned in the technical specifications.
Customer: OF COURSE a pyramid must know how to climb the stairs. I suppose you'll do this addition for the same price, right? No added expense?
Project leader: Yes yes, we're staying on budget!

In a week

The customer is complaining about the billing because the product wasn't as ordered: It couldn't walk the stairs and there was work hours billed for the whole weekend the programmer spent doing it, even though only two work hours were agreed on when the project started. The complaint has a sidenote: "How can this cost so much, it's the computer doing all the work!?"

During the following month

The programmer repairs the pyramid approcimately 20 times because there was mistakes made in hurry. Simultaneously he makes an algorithm for climbing the stairs and includes the additional features customer didn't specify in the beginning and which can't cost anything. The time spent repairing the pyramid is naturally still billed from customer. Pyramid is published at the end of the month.

2 months after the publishing of the pyramid

News on the economy pages: Company AB is dropping stairclimbing pyramid services because they were unprofitable.

Programmer was laid off, project leader was sent to a two week course in Bahama. Company's manager got a new mercedes on company's expense account. The rest of the employees got instructions on how to save money by using less coffee and paper clips.

A bad project leader is only as bad as the customer. And they're usually pretty damn bad.

I just created #programming come join us!

Didnt know this even existed...

I mostly do Java, Prolog, LISP or C nowadays...

Moved on, sort of. These days I mostly plan what web developers should do.