Topic: Corrupted me (WH40k)

A short story I've written, awaiting the 'The New Tau' story ;-)
I tried to practice the first-person perspective, so please point out my mistakes so I can learn from them.


Corrupted me

One pace at a time, I moved closer and closer to the front of the row. The line of waiting men ran thru a street of the demolished city and entered an old warehouse in the distance; one of the few buildings that still had walls. From the laud hailers of a rhino troop carrier sounded blessed Ecclesiastical hymns. Again a few short paces and the row halted once more. This had been going on since dawn, when the men under my command and myself had called us at the then-end of the row. Now we were handcuffed and had moved an estimated mile forward, while other men now followed behind us. How did it come to this?

Three weeks ago, my regiment was called upon by an Inquisitor of the Ordo Hereticus. He commanded a company of the Adepta Sororitas and intended to reclaim Walochia, an Imperial planet gone heretic. Although in only one of Walochia

Re: Corrupted me (WH40k)

More then one spelling mistake wink but aside from that and a few sentace errors it's good.

Not many people know this, but I own the first radio in Springfield. Not much on the air then, just Edison reciting the alphabet over and over. "A" he'd say; then "B." "C" would usually follow...

Re: Corrupted me (WH40k)

MS Word didn't find any mistakes!?
I do know there must be some errors in the times of verbs, but normally one should learn that in school... ;-)

Re: Corrupted me (WH40k)

Maybe if you paied any attention instead of burrowing your head into your arms tongue.

Not many people know this, but I own the first radio in Springfield. Not much on the air then, just Edison reciting the alphabet over and over. "A" he'd say; then "B." "C" would usually follow...

Re: Corrupted me (WH40k)

The spelling mistake that stood out for me was 'thru'. It should be 'through'.

Je maintiendrai

Re: Corrupted me (WH40k)

thru = American = through

Re: Corrupted me (WH40k)

No actually tongue. They don't write that word down:p, it's slang.

Not many people know this, but I own the first radio in Springfield. Not much on the air then, just Edison reciting the alphabet over and over. "A" he'd say; then "B." "C" would usually follow...