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Topic: Lawyer jokes

Q. How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb?

A. Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "Lawyer," and the party of the second part, also known as "Light Bulb," do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed upon duties, i.e. the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entryway, terminating at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the parties.

The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the following steps:

The party of the first part (Lawyer) shall, with or without elevation at his option, by means of a chair, stepstool, ladder or any other means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and rotate the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a counter-clockwise direction, this point being non-negotiable.

Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part (Light Bulb) becomes separated from the party of the third part ("Receptacle"), the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of disposing of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a manner consistent with all applicable state, local and federal statutes.

Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of beginning installation of the party of the fourth part ("New Light Bulb"). This installation shall occur in a manner consistent with the reverse of the procedures described in step one of this self-same document, being careful to note that the rotation should occur in a clockwise direction, this point also being non-negotiable.

Note: The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the first part (Lawyer), by any or all persons authorized by him, the objective being to produce the most possible revenue for the party of the fifth part, also known as "Partnership".

<@Nick> it always scares me when KT gets all dominatrixy
* I_like_pie is now known as pie|bbl
<@KT|afk> Look at him run!
<@Nick> if you tell him to slap you and call you mommy
<@Nick> i'm leaving and never coming back

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2 Reply by dpenguins (edited by dpenguins 14-Aug-2010 14:29:20)

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Re: Lawyer jokes

haha

Q. whats the difference between a hooker and a lawyer?
A. a hooker will stop screwing you once you're dead

So I told the cop, "No YOU'RE driving under the influence... of being a JERK!"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eFjjO_lhf9c

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Re: Lawyer jokes

best lawyer joke:

dpenguins.

Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.

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Re: Lawyer jokes

im not a joke, im a pretty pretty princess X(

So I told the cop, "No YOU'RE driving under the influence... of being a JERK!"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eFjjO_lhf9c

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Re: Lawyer jokes

you gotta specify the compensation to the light bulb so the contract is upheld as a mutual exchange of value

sexual pleasure of being rotated won't count

also you must add a severability clause, that any clause may be held void according to statute and usage without affecting the other clauses of the contract.  if you dont have that you're dead

The core joke of Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is that of course no civilization would develop personal computers with instant remote database recovery, and then waste this technology to find good drinks.
Steve Jobs has ruined this joke.

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Re: Lawyer jokes

i would put a clause saying that this manifests all of the intentions of the parties so some jerk doesn't try to get around the parol evidence rule

So I told the cop, "No YOU'RE driving under the influence... of being a JERK!"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eFjjO_lhf9c

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Re: Lawyer jokes

haha i'm watching the movie class action and thought this was a funny line

"lawyers don't lie. we just tell the truth judiciously and create utter confusion"

So I told the cop, "No YOU'RE driving under the influence... of being a JERK!"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eFjjO_lhf9c

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Re: Lawyer jokes

why did the lawyer cross the road?

till the end of time..

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Re: Lawyer jokes

to get to the ambulance on the other side?

So I told the cop, "No YOU'RE driving under the influence... of being a JERK!"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eFjjO_lhf9c

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Re: Lawyer jokes

Chris: don't forget auditing clause, waiver of jury trial, an annexed quality agreement and a technical agreement, and the duration of the contract and milestone requirements.

&#9745;&#65279; Saddam Hussein &#9745; Osama Bin Laden &#9744; Justin Bieber

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Re: Lawyer jokes

hmmm sounds like a leaky contract, better write in a change of control clause, a confidentiality clause, a forum clause, a choice of law clause, a liquidated damages clause, an amendmend clause, an alternative dispute clause, an act of god clause, a notice clause, an interpretation clause, an assignment clause and a time is of the essence stipulation

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Re: Lawyer jokes

> dpenguins wrote:

> im not a joke, im a pretty pretty princess X(



I thought that was Primo

Insane Lemming of Drama Queens and Other Hyperbolical People

1431 ftw

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13 Reply by The Yell (edited by Chris_Balsz 15-Aug-2010 18:18:53)

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Re: Lawyer jokes

question

the Lawyer decides that since changing a light bulb is not a legal service, he will form a limited liability corporation wtih himself as president , and the LLC will perform the work on the light bulb change.

is it unethical for the Lawyers LP to be a partner in the LLC?

i think it would hinge on the lawyer's role in teh LP wouldnt it? it would be totally a nonissue, ethically, if the Lawyer were not an officer in either the Law Partnership or the LLC, but if he's an officer in either one then he has a fiduciary duty to the LP that might conflict wtih his usual duty to the LP

maybe the LP could form a cutout investment vehicle Inc.  that would invest in the LLC without being a full partner

The core joke of Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is that of course no civilization would develop personal computers with instant remote database recovery, and then waste this technology to find good drinks.
Steve Jobs has ruined this joke.

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Re: Lawyer jokes

I sense this calls for a Chinese Wall declaration in a lenghty Memorandum of Understanding.

&#9745;&#65279; Saddam Hussein &#9745; Osama Bin Laden &#9744; Justin Bieber

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Re: Lawyer jokes

I think we're ready for a flowchart timeline showing coordinated use of attorney/support staff billing hours selecting and renovating separate office space, leasing an office van, hiring a project manager, hiring contract help, creating an investment corporation, a limited liability corporation, drafting the services contracts, the memorandum of understanding, the chinese wall declaration, the environmental impact report, quarterly tax filings, and renting a ballroom and a steakhouse for a symposium on whether articles of dissolution should be filed when the project is completed or whether an IPO should be made to continue operations post-recession.

The core joke of Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is that of course no civilization would develop personal computers with instant remote database recovery, and then waste this technology to find good drinks.
Steve Jobs has ruined this joke.

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Re: Lawyer jokes

ofc we don't actually have a client, is Thatcher's son out yet? He can go forge one somewhere in Africa with enough mercenaries.

The core joke of Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is that of course no civilization would develop personal computers with instant remote database recovery, and then waste this technology to find good drinks.
Steve Jobs has ruined this joke.

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Re: Lawyer jokes

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/john-robbins/the-dark-side-of-vitaminw_b_669716.html tongue

till the end of time..

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