1 Topic by Key (edited by Key 22-Apr-2010 20:03:22)

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Topic: Matter of perspective

This just handed to me at work, revised dictionary words.

Adult:  A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.

Beauty Parlor:  A place where women curl up and dye.

Cannibal: Someone who is fed up with people.

Chickens:  The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

Committee: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

Dust:  Mud with the juice squeezed out.

Egotist:  Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation

Handkercheif:  Cold storage.

Mosquito:  An insect that makes you like flies better.

Raisin:  Grape with a sunburn

Secret:  Something you tell to one person at a time.

Skeleton:  A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.

Toothache:  The pain that drives you to extraction.

Tomorrow:  One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.

Yawn:  An honest opinion openly expressed to boring people.

Wrinkles:  Something other people have, similar to my character lines.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"The brain is like a half glass of water.  It's either half full or half empty, so it's never quite always there." ~ Jeremy D. Williams

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two guys go on a fishing trip.  They rent all the equipment - the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods.  I mean they spend a fortune!

The first day they go fishing, but they don't catch anything.  The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day.  It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches a fish.

As they're driving homt they're really depressed.  One guy turns to the other and says, "Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred bucks?"

The other guy says, "Wow!  Then it's a good thing we didn't catch any more!"

=^o.o^= When I'm cute I can be cute.  And when I'm mean, I can be very very mean.  I'm a cat.  Expect me to be fickle.

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2 Reply by The Yell (edited by Chris_Balsz 22-Apr-2010 20:23:27)

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Re: Matter of perspective

smile

The core joke of Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is that of course no civilization would develop personal computers with instant remote database recovery, and then waste this technology to find good drinks.
Steve Jobs has ruined this joke.

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Re: Matter of perspective

hehe nice smile

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4 Reply by Key (edited by Key 23-Apr-2010 00:51:39)

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Re: Matter of perspective

Two Hunters got a pilot to fly them into the far north for elk hunting.  They were quite successful in their venture, and bagged six big bulls.  The pilot came back as arranged to pick them up.  They started loading their gear into the plane, including the six elk.  But the pilot objected he said, "The plane can take out only four of your elk.  You will have to leave two behind."  One of the hunters pushed forward, "Hey, last year our pilot let us take out six elk.  It was the same model plane, same weather conditions, and everything.  What's with this?  We want you to allow us to fly out just like last year.  Reluctantly the pilot finally permitted them to put all six elk aboard and the men all climbed in with their gear.  But when they attempted to take off and fly out of the valley, the little plane could not make it.  They crashed in the wilderness.  All of them survived.  Climbing out of the wreckage, one hunter said to the other, "Do you know where we are?"

The other hunter replied, "Yep! I do! I think this is about 100 yards further along than where we crashed last year."

=^o.o^= When I'm cute I can be cute.  And when I'm mean, I can be very very mean.  I'm a cat.  Expect me to be fickle.

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