Um, Hullo. My name is Stephen Blatter.
I'm the sumbitch who sold FIFA 2022 to Qatar for, well, mind your own damn business. That is not the point!
The point is, I have just learnt that Qatar is too goddam hot for a fast walk, let alone a romping jolly match.
Therefore, rather than give back the money, I propose we move the World Cup to January 2022, when the player's shoes will not melt.
I have been informed that this will destroy soccer throughout the developed world, on account of how January is when you have normal league play.
To which I respond, richly, "Bugger off!"
Only, not in Qatar. Cause they're rather bluestocking.
And in that heat, who can blame them.
Also there's a lot of sand, which, you know...messy.
http://www.teamtalk.com/news/15274/6590905/Winter-World-Cup-splits-opinion
The core joke of Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is that of course no civilization would develop personal computers with instant remote database recovery, and then waste this technology to find good drinks.
Steve Jobs has ruined this joke.